


Grateful

by Gracerevealed



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: But different, Canon Universe, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, OOC Hange, levihan - Freeform, ooc levi, otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-10-04 22:23:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20478434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gracerevealed/pseuds/Gracerevealed
Summary: A private moment between Captain Levi and the Corps’ new Commander, Hange Zoe, which explores the softer and more vulnerable sides of our favorite couple. Season 3 spoilers. Established relationship."Something about Hange Zoe had restored the cold and half dead pieces inside of him. Whatever it was, cleaved him in two, wrapped itself around his broken core, and made him whole again. So Levi clung to it. Bathed himself in the strength of it, and let it remake him daily."





	1. my feet are tired...

**Author's Note:**

> I am new to this ship and still getting back into the fandom. Any mistakes are my own. 
> 
> Hange = Hanji.
> 
> Enjoy!

Something about Hange Zoe had restored the cold and half dead pieces inside of him. Whatever it was, cleaved him in two, wrapped itself around his broken core, and made him whole again. So Levi clung to it. Bathed himself in the strength of it, and let it remake him daily. 

He frowned now as he drank in the sight of her, head bowed and shoulders curled in and slumped as she sat in his lap. The bindings that she normally wore on assignment around her chest (which allowed her greater mobility outside of the walls) had been removed, leaving the three buttons of her officers shirt pressed tightly against her breasts. Her face had almost healed completely in the time it took to return from Dr. Jaegars basement to the base, skin scarred yet smoothed over her missing eye. Levi considered it his best post care work on the field. He had been the one to treat her wound and had attended to and cleaned it as often as their mission - and safety - allowed.

A sudden swell of fondness rose within him as he noticed how pristine the bandage wrapped around her head was while her glasses remained smudged and slightly dirty.

Levi reached up, gently removing the frames from her face.

“These are a disgrace,” he said with a soft voice, no bite to his tone as he set her glasses down next to her leg.

She met his eyes for a brief moment then, mouth quirked half heartedly in a small smile. He didn’t know what next to say, how to articulate the enormity of all they’d lost and gained in the last three weeks; so he remained the Levi that regularly was - observant and quiet, albeit unsettled by the silence that filled the air. 

Hanji looked away from him and turned her head, staring at an unspecified point in his room. The look on her face was so somber and out of character, that Levi reflexively ran a sympathetic hand up her thigh, squeezing briefly at the slender but toned muscle he felt there, before settling his palm against the small of her back. 

He had felt her breathing become shallow and saw when her chest hitched and she bit her lip, but Levi was surprised anyway when a tear trickled down her sun-browned cheek.

A knot pitted in his stomach at the sight, and he used his free hand to cup the underside of her jaw, fingers pressed along her nape while his thumb brushed away the moisture that clung to her skin. His gesture only seemed to inspire more tears though, so, swallowing his own troubling emotion, he brought his other hand to rest against her neck - unconsciously bringing their faces closer. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, placing a bracing palm against his chest as she visibly tried to collect herself.

No, he thought. Upsetting as it was to witness, Hanji never did less than give him (or anyone else in the Corp) her unwavering strength. After all that had happened leading up to and after Erwin’s death, he thought it only fair that she was allowed this one moment of unrepentant grief. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Levi said out loud, leaning forward. He pressed his forehead against hers and squeezed her nape.

“I’m so selfish,” she said through tears, her warm, pleasant breath ghosting against his skin. “So fucking selfish.”

Levi found the notion so absurd he almost scoffed. 

“Don’t,” he replied with a firm voice, his tone both a command and a warning. Only one of them was allowed to be this brand of self loathing, and it certainly wasn’t the woman before him. Levi was all too aware of how easy it was for a mind (any mind) to slip into darkness when its thoughts were allowed to wallow in pity and morbid self deprecation. It was more than disturbing to see someone as unwaveringly hopeful as Hanji fall victim to that darkness now. 

“I am,” she insisted, pulling away from him slightly. Her fingers dug in and fisted the material at his collar. “Erwin...” her voice shook, a small sob escaping and filling the still air of his room. “My entire fucking command...” she trailed off, voice hitching. Levi swallowed too, his own grief settling inside of him and becoming uncomfortably palpable. “Gone,” she said raggedly. 

“Hanji,” he began, not knowing what he would follow up with, but she continued talking right over him as if he’d never spoken at all.

“And do you know the only thing I could think about when we got back - the thing that’s been on my mind all day?” The sound that escaped her lips then was a bitter, twisted version of a laugh. Levi bit his tongue upon hearing it. He wanted to tell her that she wasn’t allowed to feel like this - not her, not now with Erwin dead; but he knew he had no right. Her pain was her own, and though it disturbed and almost angered him to hear it, he certainly didn’t have the authority to dictate how she expressed it.

“My eye.” She laughed again, but this time, her tears were mingled in with the sound. “How much I took it for granted and how...” Hanji twisted her head to the side, shaking it in a resigned way. Levi brushed a few loose tendrils of hair behind her unbandaged ear and placed a large palm on her cheek, turning her face back to him.

“How what,” he asked softly, when she didn’t continue. He wanted to pull her into him again, but he allowed Hanji her space.

“I was never... beautiful...” more tears fell and he did his best to keep up with thumbing them away. “But now...”

Levi did pull her in then. He did so by curling an arm around her waist and burying his face in her shoulder. Hanji felt stiff for just a moment before all resistance fled and she melted into him, wrapping an arm around his back and pushing her wet face into his neck. 

He couldn’t say how long they sat like that, but after a time (well after his legs began feeling numb), he squeezed her, entirely fucking grateful that her heart was still beating and that her skin felt so reassuringly warm underneath his. 

“Thank you,” he said, breaking the silence and breathing her in. She smelt as she always did - like pine trees and fresh air.

“For what,” she asked, voice quiet but stronger than before. Her tears seemed to have subsided as well.

“For not dying.”

Levi pulled back then and took in her state. She was pleasantly rumpled, and her face, though weary, looked almost serene. As if crying had been the release of emotion she’d needed to find a modicum of peace. Her red rimmed eye shone with a whisper of her usual curiosity, while soft brown hair fell in waves down her neck and the sides of her arms. And as she peered at him expectantly, a pulse of longing surged through him then; so intensely, that his hand shook and his groin jerked as a familiar molten sensation pitted deeply inside of his stomach. Levi pulled Hanji more firmly against him, until he felt the heat of her center bleed pleasantly through the pants that he wore.

“Thank you for still being here,” he added, cupping her cheek again. The ‘with me’ was left unsaid, but he was sure they both heard it nonetheless.

“Levi,” she started, then shifted her position. He felt a delicious sliver of friction at her movement, and though he swallowed most of it, a low groan sounded from deep in the back of his throat. Hanji looked as startled as he felt at having made the noise.

One of her eyebrows lifted then, and she placed a warm hand on the place where shoulder and neck met.

“Really Levi,” her voice, though still watery, sounded incredulous yet amused. “I pour out my heart to you, tears n’all, and this is what happens?” 

Levi might have felt embarrassed at the accusation, but he was too relieved at seeing her smile (small though it was) and hearing her sound like herself to care. He shrugged in his usual way, face unconcerned as he said dryly, “It’s all of this,” Levi broke off then, trying to think of the right word to explain his reaction. “Emotion,” he settled on finally, muttering the word with an almost tangible distaste, as if it were a curse. 

Hanji stifled a laugh, eye still a bit glassy with sadness, as she shook her head. “If only everyone knew that underneath that stoic facade you present to the world, a sensitive, horny man is just waiting to burst free.”

Levi didn’t respond, just raised an eyebrow in answer, as his hand once again found itself against the curve of her neck, fingers gently digging into the warm skin there.

“Better,” he asked, ignoring the way his body reacted when Hanji shifted in his lap. He squeezed her hip in an attempt to still her.

Their eyes locked for a long moment before she looked away, shrugging her shoulders. Hanji didn’t verbally reply, but she nodded wearily while slowly slumping into his chest. Her forehead nestled into his neck - the hot air of her breathing tickling the sensitive skin there - while his outstretched arm settled into the small of her back. There was a calmness to her energy that hadn’t been present before, and it tempered his burgeoning arousal until it became the tiny remnants of a dull but pleasant ache. Until he was surprisingly just as still and serene as his new Commander. 

Levi sighed and clutched the woman in his arms tighter. 

Something - or perhaps everything - about Hange Zoe (her inquisitive spirit, optimistic nature, guileless camaraderie) restored his soul. So Levi clung to it. Bathed himself in the strength of it, and let it remake him daily. 

He would never not be grateful.


	2. ...but my soul is rested

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Existential musings paired with much awaited smut (somewhat emotional) from Hanji's POV. Enjoy!

This dream had not gone the way of the others. Instead of the usual nightmare or serene but forgettable illusory landscape, this dream had been richly colored, brimming with a wide array of scents and startlingly vivid. Almost disturbingly so; filled with every person Hanji had ever known to have met a violent end (and a couple whose ends were natural, but still remained just as dead). Even as she woke and her eyes adjusted to the cloying darkness of the room, she could still smell the herbs that Moblit had been smoking wafting in the air, and hear the soft chuckle Erwin occasionally graced them with as he’d carefully hugged her in his fond but dignified way.

_It had all felt so real_, she thought as she stared unblinkingly at the ceiling.

Tried as she might throughout the years (via various mixtures and brews), Hanji had never been able to replicate the uniquely scented perfume of musky jasmine mixed with freshly cut wood that her mother had worn all of her life. She touched her cheek and smiled sleepily, remembering the soft kiss her mother had offered her in her dream, the sweet tang of wood trailing behind the older woman as she pulled away.

Several still seconds slipped by as Hanji’s eyes drooped and her heart drummed steadily in time with her breathing, grateful that the calm which surrounded her while dreaming had carried over to the present world. Sighing, she burrowed further beneath the blankets feeling warm and unusually content.

Hanji had been dozing for several minutes when she felt the mattress dip and a hand settle gently around her arm.

A deep voice murmured to her, filling the peaceful space of the room. Hanji tipped her head in the direction of the sound and blinked blearily at the man who peered down to look at her.

“Levi,” she questioned softly, waiting for her eyes to adjust.

A soft tsk of admonishment was her answer, and the fingers that were looped around the naked skin of her arm pulled away.

“You sound surprised.” Levi’s tone was dry but laced with an exasperated affection that she’d only recently become familiar with in the year plus since the nature of their relationship had evolved. She blinked up at him, humming her appreciation at how the moonlight played attractively across the angular planes of his face. 

Obligations due their titles had kept them occupied for the better part of the day, but it had only been a little less than twelve hours since they were both here in his room; her struggling in the wake of her morbid thoughts and emotions, and him struggling dutifully to help her through them. It was a moment of weakness that she was glad to have gotten out of her system. After all, Hanji’s new designation as Commander meant there would be no room for tears and even less for self-pity in the hard months and years to come. She’d even accepted (rather well she thought), the sudden changes her promotion had brought about to almost all aspects of her life on base. Being here with Levi as she fell asleep was one small part of her routine that she’d been stubbornly unwilling to remove.

Hanji’s focus shifted as the tension in the mattress springs released all at once while Levi stood and began quietly busying himself with the act of undressing.

“You'll need to get used to sleeping in the Commander’s quarters,” he said while loosening his cravat. It wasn’t a question.

Hanji scooted back, making room on the narrow bed for the additional body that would soon be sharing her space. Levi hung his jacket and pants on the tiny closet door next to his bureau and folded all of his other clothing in a neat pile atop his desk. She had welcomed sleep (if only to revisit her dead friends and family) just scant minutes ago, but now her heart trotted faster and her face flushed with almost child-like anticipation as the best part of her day was almost at hand. How could anyone expect her to give this tiny, but immeasurable act up? Hadn’t she offered enough? Sacrificed nearly all of herself for the betterment of humanity while also sating whatever games those at the very top played?

_You didn’t sacrifice nearly as much as Erwin_, a voice supplied flatly, momentarily sobering her excitement and cooling some of the heat that had flared to life within her stomach.

Hanji sighed. 

“It’s Erwin’s room,” she said softly as he crawled under the sheets beside her. She didn’t feel like digging deeper into the issue, but she needed him to understand that Erwin’s death was still too fresh; her grief was too raw. “His bed too,” Hanji added.

Levi let out another reproachful sound and slid in close, moving his face nearer to hers and settled an arm behind her back.

He stared at her quietly, taking his time to drink in her appearance while she forced herself to remain still, trying not to squirm under his appraisal. She could smell the fresh scent of the mint leaves he often chewed caress her skin on each even exhale of air against her face. 

“If there’s an emergency and someone comes looking for you while you sleep...” he let his words trail off, perhaps sensing no further explanation was necessary. A large palm skirted underneath the worn, oversized shirt that she wore, fingers lightly digging into muscles she hadn’t even realized were sore.

“Maybe...” she began, searching her mind quickly for a reasonable alternative (knowing there wasn’t any). “Maybe I’ll only stay here every _other_ night.” Hanji knew the suggestion was ridiculous before she’d even finished speaking, and - swallowing hard - she looked down, feeling mildly embarrassed when he only blinked at her in response.

Seconds ticked by and suddenly her eye was stinging sharply. Only force of will and pride stopped the tears from escaping in response. _Why in the name of all that was holy was she so fucking emotional_, she wondered silently, pulling back and blinking quickly. Friends of hers had died on the field before, yet she’d never been as off balance as she was now. It was unseemly.

Levi leaned closer, almost curling over her as their foreheads touched, and pecked the side of her mouth. Softly he murmured, “I’ll sleep there.” His lips ghosted over hers as he spoke, and after a short pause, added, “Every _other_ night of course.” The words were spoken in that dispassionate way of his, but nevertheless, she still sensed the amusement rolling off of him in waves.

Feeling suddenly restless by the rapidly shifting rotation of her emotions and profoundly grateful at his unspoken understanding, she twisted her mouth up and kissed him gently, willing all other thoughts to disappear.

Hanji’s lips were a soft pressure against his, undemanding in nature until Levi opened his mouth, allowing entry as she slid her tongue inside, wrapping it warmly against his. She sighed into the movement, tasting the mint on his breath, and wound a hand into the fine strands of his hair, pulling. Levi groaned and pressed his weight more firmly against her.

Pulling his head back slightly, he slipped a leg between hers and squeezed above her hip with bruising force before mashing his lips to hers in a rare show of impatience. Hanji hungrily responded, then opened her mouth, humming softly as his tongue slid wetly against her own. The muscles over her stomach clenched pleasantly in response, and she hooked her leg around his calf while thrusting her pelvis up, seeking more friction. Hanji felt his length spring to life as it rubbed against the fabric covering her wet center, and she moaned loudly at the sensation.

“Be _quiet_,” Levi whispered raggedly into her mouth, even as he rucked up her shirt, palmed the underside of her chest, then rolled the rosy bud of her nipples between his fingers. A moment later, his mouth followed the path of his hands, and warm lips wrapped around the sensitive tips of her breast, Levi’s tongue sucking wetly on the pebbled flesh there. Hanji gasped and threw her head back as the pulse of her core thudded in time with the rapid beating of her heart.

His lips trailed up along her shoulder, licking and nipping his way to her neck, and she shuddered, moving a practiced hand in between them and around his length. Hanji squeezed then pulled roughly at him in a way that she knew he liked, and Levi groaned gutturally beside her ear in reply.

His hands grabbed at the soft cotton of her underwear, tugging it down sharply while she lifted her hips, helping him along. “Levi,” she whispered, the end of his name trailing off on a moan. He palmed her breast roughly in response, thumbing the hardened tip again, and pushed his way inside of her in one smooth stroke. Hanji couldn’t help the loud moan that fell from her lips, and Levi slipped his mouth over hers, swallowing the ensuing sounds that escaped. She wound her hand around the nape of his neck and the other against his back, digging her fingers in as her body adjusted to the welcomed intrusion.

Levi’s tongue snaked slippery smooth around her own, their kiss mimicking the motions of their bodies as he pushed himself deeper into her with every thrust. She squeezed her inner walls, sucked the corner of his lip, and silently thrilled at how his eyes fluttered shut as his control visibly slipped. “_Fu-ck_,” he groaned out breathily, breaking the word into two distinct syllables while his hips snapped forward. He pulled away from her (staring down at Hanji’s face with hooded, long-lashed eyes), and wrapped a hand around her leg. Then, in a show of casual flexibility and strength, Levi swept her calf up and over his shoulder, but not before giving her ankle a light, appreciative kiss. The angle changed and Hanji threw her head back, squeezing her eye shut and biting her tongue to keep herself quiet. The only noise in the room then was their ragged breathing and the rhythmic sound of flesh slapping carnally against flesh.

Heat blossomed steadily in the pit of her core - growing in intensity with each thrust - then wrapped itself slowly up the pillar of her spine.

“I’m gonna come,” she said quietly in a choked voice.

“Mmmm,” Levi replied, leaning all the way forward so that he could press his face into the side of her sweaty neck and squeeze her thigh. He licked beneath her ear and bit at the sensitive skin there, then whispered lasciviously, “Come for me then.” Hanji shivered in response and moaned softly as her muscles tensed and her toes curled, a tell-tale sign that she was nearing her end.

Levi shifted his weight and moved his hand in between them, stroking expertly at the bundle of nerves nestled between the folds of her center. That extra bit of stimulation was all it took. Hanji froze, her limbs pulled taught, while her elevated leg shook, every inch of her body engaged in riding out the wave of her orgasm. Levi thrusted deeply once, twice and then came silently inside of her, hips moving shallowly even as his own orgasm waned. Her leg slid free from its perch and his body shuddered sporadically in her arms from the occasional after-shock.

Several seconds slipped by before either one of them moved. Then, Levi rolled off of her, grabbed a small nearby towel, and began to wipe all signs of their completed desire away. Once satisfied, he folded the towel neatly, dropped it on his tiny bedside table, and then nestled under the covers beside her.

Sprawled on his back, Levi’s arm brushed lightly against hers while his breathing slowly evened out. Hanji shimmied her sleeping shirt down from where it had bunched up, then stared at the ceiling, listening as the man beside her began drifting off.

“Levi,” she said softly after a time. His name was a question on her lips.

“Hmmm,” he murmured sleepily. He slowly rolled to his side and slung a hand around her waist in one graceful, albeit sluggish action.

“Do you,” she paused for a long moment and, after seconds went by without her continuing, he opened a wary eye to look at her carefully before closing it.

“Do I…?” the timbre of his voice was deep, grizzled by the burgeoning onslaught of sleep.

“Do you…believe in an afterlife?” She turned to face him more fully, curling a thin arm around his back and scooting closer so that the tips of her clothed breasts brushed against his chest. The room fell into amiable silence then as her breathing lapsed into a rhythm that matched his. To anyone else it might seem as if he had ignored her question altogether, but Hanji knew he remained quiet not because he was ignoring her, but because he was carefully considering his response.

“I don’t know,” he said finally, squeezing her to him, maybe to remind himself that they were both still here. Alive and mostly whole.

Another long silence descended before he swept a hand along her back and asked, “Do you?” Levi opened his eyes to tiredly search hers, curiosity etched across his normally indifferent face.

“I think so,” Hanji said softly, closing her eye and sighing. That strange peace from earlier had begun to settle over her once again, perhaps spurned on by the scent of wood and Jasmine wafting into her nose. She slid down so that her head could rest more comfortably against his chest and repeated, “I think so.”

Neither one of them spoke again after that, both drifting to sleep feeling decidedly more hopeful and content than they had in a long, long while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavily inspired by this work of art: https://byallmeans1.tumblr.com/post/187575185907/averdia-thank-you-varrix-for-this-beautiful
> 
> Comments are so greatly appreciated. 
> 
> Also I realize I need help with prompts for this beautiful pairing. Fanart is a great starting point, but if you guys have any interesting ideas, pls feel free to share. @Byallmeans1 has graciously allowed me to turn one of her fan comic strips into a fic, so pls look out for that in the future :)
> 
> Chapter titles taken from MLK JR: "Although poverty-stricken and uneducated, she was amazingly intelligent and possessed a deep understanding of the meaning of the movement. After having walked for several weeks, she was asked if she were tired. With ungrammatical profundity, she answered, “My feets is tired, but my soul is rested.”
> 
> I’m @kittenharrington on tumblr!

**Author's Note:**

> Partially inspired by this amazing fanart: https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=36752559
> 
> Comments are very greatly appreciated.
> 
> I am 98% certain I’ll be writing a smut follow-up to this. Let me know if you would like to read it.


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